What's a Goer? August 1981
Here’s a dinner table conversation I had with my daughters, Brett (12) and Ashley (9).
The date is August 4, 1981. I am 41 years old.
Brett begins, “You know Cindy? She’s going out with Chris?”
“Yeah, when?” I said.
“When?”
“Yeah when … or where?”
“Dad!” Ashley my youngest admonishes me.
“What?” I say.
“She’s going out with him.” Ashley advises.
“Yeah, so what’s that supposed to mean?” I say.
“It means he’s her boyfriend.”
“Oh OK,” I get the picture, “You mean they go together.”
Brett interjects, “No, never, Cindy would never go with him,”
“Then why did she become his girl friend?” I ask.
“Dad!”
“What?”
“She’s not a big goer.”
“Goer?”
“Yeah, goer, someone that goes all the time. Cindy’s not like that.”
I’m piecing things together here. I see that there are semantic differences, a generation gap thing. When I was a young boy, “Going out with someone,” meant that you were going out somewhere. If I said to someone that I was “going out with Betty” the reply might be, “When or where?” Like I said. Which still sounds reasonable I thought. Anyway.
* Below is a summary of the comparison between 1980’s and the 1950’s:
1980’s word Translation for 50’s kids (Seniors)
Go = make out
Go with = make out with
Going with = making out with
Going out = going together, going steady, boyfriend/girlfriend
Going out with = same as above
Goer = one who makes out a lot, 50's term - fast
Going together = making out together
* * Seems there is an update for the 2000s or today 2022, according to my college age grand-kids
Apparently there are "levels" of dating, as follows:
* * 2020s Update
Seeing = a person of interest
Talking = a person of greater interest
Talking exclusive = the only person of interest, talking to others is OK, but no kissing others
Dating = boyfriend/girlfriend
... back to Cindy and Chris and that day in 1981
Brett continues, “She doesn’t want to go out with him because … oh, I’m not supposed to say why. ”
This perks up Ashley, age nine. She is just learning about the ways of love and romance and is trying her best to comprehend it all. “Brett, come on tell!” she says.
“No,” Brett says suggesting that such matters are for twelve year olds only.
“Brett, please tell me,” Ash begs.
“OK, you promise not to tell, not Niki, not Allison, not Kelly, not Sandra; No one … or else I’ll punch you in the face?”
Gee, I think, a punch in the face. That’s the real nuclear weapon there. I feel certain that Brett never punched anyone in the face.
“Alright,” Ash promises.
I get up to turn down the radio. I want to hear this too.
“OK, she doesn’t want to go out with him because she doesn’t know why, she just doesn’t. She likes him but she just doesn’t want to go out.”
What? That’s it? That’s a letdown if I ever heard one. I think this but I don’t say it. Ash doesn’t appear to be disturbed. She just looks a bit perplexed, but half happy too that she was told a secret. I’m guessing that she must be thinking to herself, “Gee, love is strange.” I want to say this to Ash, but I don’t. Anyway I think I’m getting the hang of the language now. Then Brett adds, “She was going to break up with him today.”
I forget about the letdown and accept that that’s all there is to the story. I mean … we’re talking sixth grade here. I’m just happy that I now understand their language. And now using proper terminology I offer this, “Well if they’re breaking up then they must have been going out.”
“They are, I said that.” Brett says.
“Yeah … right.” I say. “Well how did that happen, how did they start going out?” OK I think. I’ve got the hang of this now.
“He asked her out,” Brett says. I feel quite with it because I know that this means that he asked her to be his girlfriend. I keep this to myself, the feeling of being with it because I suspect that the term with it is … well … not with it.
“How did he do that?” I’m curious about this. Did he say “Would you be my girlfriend,” or “Do you want to go steady?”
“He said, do you want to go out?” Brett said.
“Do you know this is how it’s done Ash?” I say.
“Dad!” she says, meaning, of course she does. She’s not that stupid.
“That’s it, that’s all he said, just those words; ‘Do you want to go out?’ ”
“Yes”
“Where do they go?”
“Nowhere.”
“They don’t ever go anywhere, ever?”
“Nope.”
“Why did she say yes if she didn’t want to go out with him?”
“You can change your mind, you know.”
Abbot and Costello, Who’s on first, comes into my mind. So she changed her mind? Hmmmm. Not so strange. Probably happens six times a day. The meal continues. I feel like I was just educated on the facts of life but I still think that kids must slip from time to time when a boy says, “Do you want to go out?” It’s got to happen sometime where the girl says “When?”
So I ask the question, “Did this ever happen … when somebody says, ‘Do you want to go out?’ did anyone ever say “When? Or where?”
“Nope.”
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